Posts Tagged ‘menstruation’

Don't judge what you fail to understand.Pic found here:http://cpecv-chocoholic.deviantart.com/

Don’t judge what you fail to understand.
Pic found here:http://cpecv-chocoholic.deviantart.com/

The older I get, the more chocolate I want.  No, let me rephrase that: the older I get, the more chocolate I NEED.

At some point, a switch was flipped, and I went from a casual chocolate consumer to an all out GIVE ME CHOCOLATE NOW OR DIE kinda girl.

I know that there’s science backing up the fact that chocolate is beneficial to our health and mental well being, but I’m not in the mood to look it up and quote it.  Frankly, I doubt you mind.  I’m fairly confident that you’ve at least skimmed one of those articles and therefore know that I’m not full of shit and would rather I not quote to you some science, that neither of us fully understand, yet are happy to take it at its word as we munch on some sweet cocoa while thinking I know you’d never do me wrong my sweet and silky friend.

Murder worthy chocolate decadence cake

Murder worthy chocolate decadence cake

So, lets consider a possible scenario…Imagine it: You’ve been on the move for several days, looking for a safe place.  You’ve been chased, had to fight and kill, lost some friends in the process, and now are about to start your period.  You have cramps, both menstrual and muscle.  You’re back hurts, your head aches, and your pants are feeling tight because you’re bloated.  You’re moody and weepy and you’re not sure if it’s the hormones or the zombies killing your friends.  You have two Tylenol left and you’re really hoping that this months flow is light because your tampon stock is running low.  Life is pretty fucking shitty.  You begin to dig through your pack, praying for an extra Tylenol or tampon when your fingers light upon a lone square piece of heaven.  No… it couldn’t be!  But it is!  CHOCOLATE!  Sent to you by the gods of whatever goodness is left in the world, you have found in the bottom of your pack a Dove Miniature!

Or, lets say you have some little ones with you.  They’re cold, tired, irritable, and about to go into a full tilt freak out complete with screaming and crying, a sure fire zombie attractant for any undead walking corpse within a two mile radius.  The lower lip is trembling and the eyes are growing weepier by the second.  You plunge your hands into one of the many bags you’re carrying (because even when the worlds has chocolate skullsgone to shit you still have to nut up and carry five times your own weight in supplies for your kids) hoping to come across some sort of small trinket that will stop the countdown to launch on the atomic bomb your child is about to unleash.  Your fingers scrabble across item after item until you feel it.  A Hershey’s Krackel Miniature.  Quickly, you pull it out with the quickness of a ninja, unwrapping the candy in one fluid movement, and displaying it front of the babes eyes as if it were the One Ring to Rule them All.  Crisis averted, all thanks to chocolate.

It’s also super delicious.  Beyond that, I don’t know how many other reasons you need before you stuff some random chocolate bits into your Oh Sh!t Bag.  Who cares if it might melt, warm melty chocolate is extra yummy!  Though you might want to wrap it in a zip lock so it doesn’t get all over everything, because while chocolate covered peanuts are awesome, chocolate covered bandages and bullets are not.  We do have to draw the line somewhere.

 

These recipes below were included because I came across them and they looked too yummy not to share with you!

Find the recipe here: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-pudding-50400000115355/

Super delicious chocolate pudding.
Find the recipe here: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-pudding-50400000115355/

A follower of A Girls Guide, Jessica Eck Jennings, brought up a good topic today.  White it may be a bit icky (especially for the guys) we should think about what we’re going to do post ZPoc during our periods.

Think about it; it’s that wonderful time of the month, and for whatever reason, you’re outta tampons/pads/etc.

What do you do?

Back in the day, women used pieces of fabric to absorb the blood.  Often times these pieces were old rags which is where the term “On the rag” derives it’s origin.  Anyways, women would wear a bit in their undergarments, and when it was at capacity, they would swap it out for a fresh one, and clean that one.  Gross by our standards today, but just another part of being a women during “the good ol days”.  A lot of women in this world still do this.  Think about that for a second.

If you’re looking for a product to stash in your Oh Sh!t/Bug Out Bag I would opt for The Cup, even though I find the idea repugnant. If you’re not familiar with The Cup, it’s a reusable plastic cup thingy that you wear inside you that collect the blood.  When it’s full, you pull it out, rinse, and reuse.  Many brands state that their product will last for up to 10 years, in usage, making it a great feminine preppers item.

Kinda looks like a little plunger, doesn’t it?

Believe it or not, but with the movement towards Environmentally Friendly everything nowadays there are ladies who are opting for reusable cloth menstrual pads.  I myself am not one of these women and do not plan on becoming one unless forced to.  That said, here’s a couple links in case you’re interested: http://lunapads.com/and http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/sanitarypads.htm.

Now, while I’m not ready or willing to make the switch to reusable, homemade pads right now, it does make me think that maybe I should I buy one of these products and put them in my Oh Sh!t bag just in case.

But what if using cloth isn’t an option?  My brain instantly goes to plant matter of some sort.  While I’ve been researching this, I’ve come across a few vague mentions of tribal women using plant matter but haven’t found a specific type of plant used (except wood pulp, but ouch!).

Some plant/natural matter I would try, if I were in such a situation would be:

  • Moss – It’s super absorbent and found in many different climates.  My main concern with this would be infection.  I would try sterilizing it somehow first, perhaps by boiling it.
  • Sea Sponge – There are manufacturers who make “natural menstrual pads” out of these critters right now so we know it’s a viable option but only if you’re lucky enough to live near an area where these exist.
  • Wool – If you come across some sheep…
  • Cotton – If you happen upon a cotton field…

Now, if we’re outta tampons I’m going to take a wild guess and say that medical attention is probably hard to come by, so I would refrain from trying to DIY yourself some tampons.  TSS or Toxic Shock Syndrome is not something you want to deal with at any time, but especially not with zombies trying to sniff you out.

 

Here are some links for you to check out if you’re interested:

http://www.keeper.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup

http://www.alter-eco.info/tampon-alternatives.html

http://www.themakeyourownzone.com/2010/10/are-women-really-making-their-own.html

 

Unlikely Female Zpoc Tool Numero Uno: The Tampon

C’mon ladies, we’re never without at least one of these babies right? The zombie apocalypse may put an end to paying the bills, having to go to work, obeying the speed limit, and putting up with your annoying neighbors crap, but it ain’t gonna stop Ms. Menses from rearing her bitchy little head every month.  If tampons aren’t already in your Oh Sh!t Bag you better run out to the store right now and go buy a box, throw them in there, and then finish reading my witty little musing.

If you’re like me, you have multiple purses for different occasions, and if you’re like me, you have an emergency tampon in each.  If you’re a girl, it’s a simple fact of life, that no matter how much we may hate, we learn to live with.  By 16 must of us are old pros at tucking a tampon up our sleeve so no boys see us walking to the bathroom with it.  Chris Angel and all his slight of hand Mindfreakyness can’t hold a flame to a twenty-something, miniskirt wearing, clutch holding, platform shoe strutting, goddess at the club who also happens to be on day two of a heavy flow cycle. Guys would watch, mesmerized by her movements, as she walked across the dark spans towards the restrooms, flanked by her two lovely girlfriend “assistants”, one slightly trailing, checking the rear.  They’d watch them disappear behind the door with the skirted blue little lady on it and then reappear after an appropriate amount of time, laughing and relaxed.  They’d never guess at the hidden contents of the assistants purse, the glance and all clear nod from the friend who walked behind, the hand off behind the closed door of the bathroom, the extraction and insertion that occurred quicker than any man would believe.  They’d never guess because they don’t want to know.  They like the mystery and the fantasy that real magic, in the form of a beautiful woman, can exist in their world.

We keep our feminine hygiene close but invisible.  If you’re a woman, you are probably less than twenty feet from a tampon or pad right now, right?  If you’re a guy who lives with a woman then you too are probably less than twenty feet from one as well.  If you’re a guy and still reading this then I commend you, I know what an icky subject most of you find this.

But it’s ok, because tampons have other practical, non-menstrual, uses as well.

You can also use tampons and feminine pads for:

  • Tinder or kindling for lighting a fire
  • Wound care
  • Stopping nosebleeds
  • Cleaning guns
  • Dental Cotton
  • Ear Pugs
  • Stopping any unwanted male attention in it’s tracks

Let’s also assume that zombies are attracted by the sent of blood.  Well then, we don’t want to be walking billboards to the undead hordes once a month do we?  If were sticking to this assumption and you’re into recycling then I’m just going to throw it out there that a used tampon would be excellent zombie bait.  Suck it up men, it’s just blood.

Yes, eventually we’ll have to get crafty and DIY our own tampons or pads but for awhile we’ll be alright.

 

If you know any other practical uses please share them in a comment.  I’d love to hear of any you can come up with.