Rule #11: Aim for the Head

Rule #11: Aim for the Head

Yeah, I recognize that this rule should have come a little sooner but frankly it kinda slipped my mind so, from here on out, we’re just gonna say that these rules are not in any particular order even though they are numbered.

That said, come the zombie apocalypse, when everyone is freaking out and trying to pretend that the monsters they are seeing are not zombies, remember this: AIM FOR THE HEAD.

If the horror genre has taught us anything it is: wooden stakes kill vampires, silver bullets kill werewolves, a psycho killer is never really dead the first time you think you killed him, and that to kill a zombie you must destroy it’s brain.  So, the first time a slavering corpse tries to treat you like a Big Mac, thump the fucker in the head and be done with it.  You have a better chance at surviving if you just go for the head right off the bat rather than testing if body shots will do the job.  No matter how tempting it may be to aim for the larger body target, you’ll only be wasting your time, ammunition, strength, and putting your life at risk.

A lot of people are going to be in complete denial when the outbreak starts.  Many will refuse to believe the reality that zombies do exist and that they are trying to eat you.  Those people will most likely put round after round into the torso of an approaching zombie and scream “WHY WON’T YOU DIE” as the clip empties and their gun becomes useless.  A moment of sheer terror will grip them as the realization of what is coming their way floods their consciousness.  Maybe they still have enough time to get away.  Maybe the monster is too close now and their questioning scream is delivered as the corpse digs its teeth into their neck.  Maybe the shock is too much and they pee themselves and passed out only to wake up while their small intestines are ripped from a hole clawed into their stomachs.  Alas, it all could have been avoided with one well placed head shot.

Maybe we’re wrong.  Maybe its not zombies that are trying to kill us or maybe you can kill a zombie by shooting it in the heart.  Who knows.  What do we know for sure?  A head shot is a pretty good guarantee of death to most living creatures.  So take a deep breath, steady your shot, and aim for the head people.

 

 

 

Weapon of the Week: 1911 Pistol

Weapon of the Week: 1911 Pistol

She’s lean, she’s mean, she’s over a 100 years old.  The fact that this pistol was first made in the early 1900’s speaks volumes to its design that it’s still a top seller today.  I know many of my firearm aficionados out there own one (at least) and most will swear by them.

It was designed by the legendary gunsmith John M Browning for Colt’s Manufacturing Company to fill the need for a self loading semi-automatic pistol.  It was officially adopted by US Army on March 29, 1911 as it’s standard issue side arm and from that point on was called the M1911.  Initially manufactured only by Colt, with each war we fought, demand branched production out, until the 1911 was a model that almost every gun manufacturer produced.  It was the main sidearm of the US Armed forces for 70+ years and is still used by some branches and special forces today.  She’s also used by some Federal branches, state, and local law enforcement, and by some foreign military’s.

It’s a favorite gun of competition shooters and can be customized to an individual shooters liking.  D, my firearms expert, has been building his custom 1911, adding a little bit here and there, for the past year now and I got to say, she’s a sexy little bitch and a ton of fun to shoot.  In fact, an entire manufacturing industry blew up around custom 1911 parts, pieces, and bling.  Google image search “custom 1911” and prepare to drool.

The .45 caliber pistol has a standard 7 round magazine but you can purchase 8 round after-market mags, so at best you’re going to have 9 rounds (if you keep one in the chamber) to defend yourself with before you have to reload.  She’s a big girl too.  A fully loaded (with 1 ready to go) is gonna weigh around 2.5lbs, with each additional 8 round magazine weighing in at 1/4lb. Her length is 8.25in so there’s no slipping her in a pocket and calling it a day; where ever she is on your body, you’re going to know it.

She’s a bit more trouble to take apart for cleaning than most pistols and a common complaint is that the 1911 is “too safe”.  Why?  It has two safeties; a beavertail or grip safety (which is built into the handle of the gun and must be depressed in order for the gun to fire) and a manual safety switch.  While I understand the complaint, for me personally I like this feature.  I’m not an expert with guns and most everyday people are not, so the more safety features a gun has the more comfortable I am around it.  And, if you’re going to purchase a gun for personal protection, GET FUCKING COMFORTABLE WITH IT!  Make sure you know how to disengage the safeties so if you have to use it, you’re not fumbling around trying to figure it out.

The price on these guns varies widely depending on what you want out of her.  You can get cheap, simple models for around $400 and super crazy cool ones for well over $1000.  Then again, you can always buy a cheap model and turn her into your own crazy cool one over time when funds permit.

Overall, she’s rugged and reliable; if she wasn’t, then the US Military wouldn’t have bothered with her for all this time, marksmen wouldn’t sink thousands of dollars into customizing their own, and every firearm manufacturer in existence wouldn’t produce her.  She’s stood the test of time and proved herself worthy and capable of protecting our asses.

So, how does the 1911 rate?

• Ease of use = 7
• Accuracy = 9
• Size & Weight = 6
• Reliability = 8
• Ammo Availability = 8.5
• Fire Power =  6
• Cost (for pre-apocalypse procurement) = 5

Overall Score: 7

Rule #7: Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Rule #7: Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Now, I’ve never fully comprehended the meaning of this phrase except to figure that a complete clean freak wanted everyone around him or her to feel bad for not keeping themselves or their home clean.  I’m all for a tidy home and for regular bathing but I’m not a Nazi about it and chances are, if you drop in unexpectedly, I’ll have wish I had vacuumed, picked up some stray socks, and piled up the weeks junk mail that gets strewn across my dining room table.

The reason I have chosen “Cleanliness is Next to Godliness” as our 7th rule is, come the zombie apocalypse it’ll be a lot easier to let personal hygiene and supply maintenance slip.  But, even while we are retreating from the hordes of flesh hungry undead, we cannot ignore the following when it comes it cleanliness:

1.  GUNS – Firearm maintenance is of the utmost importance.  I cannot stress to you how imperative it is to keep your guns clean.  Failure to do so can result in:

A.  Jams

B. Decreased accuracy from powder and lead fouling

C. Misfires

D. Your gun blowing up in your face

So get to know your firearm.  Learn how to disassemble and reassemble it.  Make a habit of cleaning it after every use.  The longer gun powder sits in your gun the less reliable and safe your firearm becomes.  I don’t care if you’re running from zombies, YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR GUN CLEAN.  Hopefully you have more than one gun on you so you can clean one but still have one to shoot if you’re ambushed.

2.  YOU – When society disintegrates we will no longer have access to modern medicine the way we do now.  Simple cuts and little wounds can become serious hazards if you don’t keep them clean.  Everyone should have at least a simple First Aid Kit in their Oh Sh!t Bag with some alcohol, iodine, and bandages.  Simple cleanliness will help reduce your exposure to dangerous bacteria and infections.

Don’t shrug off washing out a small cut or abrasion.  If that thing becomes infected you could experience: fever, nausea, dizziness, and excessive tiredness.  I don’t know about you but I’d rather not be any of those things with zombies lurking about.  Bath when you can and try and wash or clean your hands the best you can before ingesting food.  Lets face it, our personal hygiene is going to take a serious beating come ZDay and if we don’t at least try and clean our hands before we use them to stuff whatever food we can find into our mouths we’ll be ingesting all sorts of things other than food.

And what’s going to happen when our tummies don’t feel so hot or that cut on our arm starts to ooze grossness?  There will be no such thing as Emergency Rooms or Doctor visits come ZDay.  Maybe, hopefully, someone will have some antibiotics but I wouldn’t count on it.  And if the reason you’re hurting is because you neglected the basic principals of hygiene…well maybe whoever does have meds would rather save them for someone worthy of them.

So, while we can scoff at the old adage Cleanliness is Next to Godliness now, come ZDay ignoring some forms of cleanliness is just going to buy you a ticket to the big guy in they sky a whole lot sooner.

Weapon of the Week: Riot Shotgun

Weapon of the Week: The Riot Shot Gun

Remington 870 – Mossberg 500 – Winchester 1200/1300

They’re names you know and love and chances are, if you don’t own one, you know someone who does.

Probably the most common firearm in the United States, they’re used by the military, law enforcement, outdoors men & women, and Joe Schmoe next door so he can protect whats his.  These are your everyday, run of the mill shotguns customized to kick some serious ass.  What makes a shotgun “tactical” and/or “riot”?  A shortened barrel and stock which makes them more maneuverable and easy to handle and therefore easier to get away from zombies while carrying and firing over your shoulder.

Planning for the zombie apocalypse?  Get yourself a shotgun (along with a few other things).  Yeah they’re loud and don’t hold too many rounds at a time but I’ll tell you something, I’d rather have a 9mm pointed at me than the bitch in the picture above.  If you load one of these pretty little girls full of buckshot and fire a round off, it’s like firing nine .32 caliber bullets at once.  So zombies and pillagers alike, beware of the bitch with one of these.

The reason I love these guns…I have horrible aim.  I really shouldn’t admit that and I’m working on getting better, but as of right now, I f#cking suck.  But with one of these badass bitches in my grasp, I’m just as deadly as the next gal.  What?  Your aim is just fine?  Try aiming at a moving object while you’re trying to run away.  Yeah, have fun with that.  Now, I’m not saying you don’t have to aim, of course you have to aim, you just don’t have to worry about it as much.

Summer Glau

If you’re going to be a sissy and complain about the kick these ladies deliver then you’re most likely going to get eaten by zombies anyways so you’re no use to us.  This is the gun most twelve year old boys cut their gums on and its what Grandpa has stashed under the bed, so if little Timmy and Grandpa Joe can handle em, we can too.

They take 12 gauge ammo which is hard NOT to find but if you need help locating some, first check your attic, then go to Walmart or any other superstore.

For easier transport, invest a few dollars in a Shotgun Scabbard.  They cost around $40 and attach nicely to Alice Packs and other similar bags.  I bought a Voodoo Tactical Shotgun Scabbard off Amazon.com as a Christmas gift for my boyfriend and it’s perfect, plus super cool looking.

The thing I like least about these firearms is their round capacity.  They hold on average  5 – 8 rounds at a time and are tricky to reload so I would not use one of these as my primary weapon.  But it’s ok, procuring of these beauties is easy.  You can buy used models for around $100 and brand spankin new ones for around $350.

As always, do your own research and be careful when buying online from a private individual.

So, how does the Riot Shotgun rate?

• Ease of use = 7
• Accuracy = 9
• Size & Weight = 8
• Reliability = 7
• Ammo Availability = 10
• Fire Power = 9
• Cost (for pre-apocalypse procurement) = 10

Overall Score: 8.5

Added Bonus:  Feeling like a total badass bitch like Summer Glau up there.

Weapon of the Week: SIG Sauer P226

This weeks Weapon of the Week: SIG Sauer P226 9mm

This indomitable pistol is where it’s at folks.  If you’re going to choose only one handgun to carry during the zombie apocalypse please, for the love of whatever you find holy, choose the SIG Sauer P226.

She’s the preferred handgun worldwide for Special Forces Units and only one of two guns (Beretta 92F) to successfully pass the US military’s XM9 Service Pistol Trials that were held in 1984 to determine which pistol would be our military’s standard.  Alas, the Beretta won, but by a slim margin and owing mainly to price and the fact that SIG’s needed to be imported back then.  Flash forward to present days and the SIG is now what any department worth a damn that has a little bit of cash carries.  Some of those departments/forces include: US Secret Service, DEA, Navy Seals, FBI, Homeland Security, Army, NYPD, and many many more.

What makes the SIG Sauer P226 so amazing?  It won’t give up.

D, my weapons expert, has had one for nearly a decade now, has put several thousand rounds of ammo through her, and has NEVER had a single jam.  She’s also one of the most accurate pistols in the world.  And what’s more important than reliability and accuracy in any firearm that you’re betting your life on?

Need more convincing?  It’s a 9mm.  THE EASIEST AMMO TO FIND IN THE WORLD

They also come in .22, .40, and .357 models BUT most experts agree that the .9mm is the one to go with.

It’s a dual action pistol which means that it does not have a manual safety.  Instead, it relies on a hammer and heavy trigger pull to prevent misfires.  This means that to get the gun to fire all you have to do is pull the trigger BUT you’re going to have to do one of two things before your first bullet is fired: cock the hammer back or squeeze the shit out of the trigger.  So, while there won’t be any fumbling with a safety during a zombie attack, you do have to be a little extra cautious when handling a loaded P226.  Now that I think of it, you should be extra cautious when handling ANY loaded gun.

Her standard magazine holds 15 rounds though 20 round mags are available so you can drop quite a few zombies before having to worry about reloading.

The P226’s worst quality?  It’s big, heavy (2+ lbs), and hard to conceal, but it’s not like zombies give a shit if you’re carrying, and with a decent holster your fellow humans won’t spot it either.

There are a ton of P226 models out there and SIG is constantly evolving their prize pistol.  You can buy one used or brand new and they are everywhere.  Depending on which model you want and if your buying new or used, the price varries from as little as $500 to as much as a few thousand.

As always, do your own research and be careful when buying online from a private individual.

So, how does the SIG Sauer P226 rate?

Officer Bennet from Silent Hill with her trusty P226

• Ease of use = 9
• Accuracy = 10
• Size & Weight = 7
• Reliability = 10
• Ammo Availability = 10
• Fire Power = 7
• Cost (for pre-apocalypse procurement) = 8

Overall Score: 8.7

Weapon of the Week: Ruger Mini 14

Our very first Weapon of the Week: Ruger Mini 14

Ladies (and gentlemen) if you’re looking for a compact, nasty little bitch of a firearm to start off or round out your zombie apocalypse weapon stockpile this is it.

Weighing in at around 7lbs, she’s lightweight, versatile, and completely customizable.  Not only will she not weigh you down, you can make this little rifle into a gun especially suited for you.  Touted by Ruger as “self cleaning” the gun needs little maintenance and was dubbed The Jamless Wonder by Hollywood when, take after take, the gun refused to jam even after it was dragged through dirt, sand, and mud.

The Mini 14 (Tactical) has a standard 20 round capacity magazine but you can buy mags that hold up to 50 rounds for when you bump into the unexpected horde.  This little lady takes .223 / 5.56mm (NATO) ammo both of which can easily be found at your local Superstore such as Walmart or Meijer so there will be no digging around in specialty stores searching for the right type of round.  While .223mm is slightly less powerful than the 5.56 it can still get the job done when it comes to putting down the dead.

There are many variants of this rifle and you should do your own research before buying a model, but we’d invest our money on the Mini 14 Tactical rifle with collapsible/folding stock.  If you do choose to purchase one these bad little bitches make sure she’s a recent model (2003 or later) as older models had accuracy issues do to mass production.

Cost:  While prices continue to fluctuate you can find a Mini 14 for as cheap as $4o0 but expect to pay more in the area of $700 if you want a pimped out model.

So how does it rate?

• Ease of use = 7
• Cumbersome Rating = 7
• Reliability = 8
• Ammo Availability = 10
• Fire Power = 9
• Round Capacity  = 9
• Cost (for pre-apocalypse procurement) = 6

 

Overall Score = 8