Posts Tagged ‘disaster preperations’

Don't judge what you fail to understand.Pic found here:http://cpecv-chocoholic.deviantart.com/

Don’t judge what you fail to understand.
Pic found here:http://cpecv-chocoholic.deviantart.com/

The older I get, the more chocolate I want.  No, let me rephrase that: the older I get, the more chocolate I NEED.

At some point, a switch was flipped, and I went from a casual chocolate consumer to an all out GIVE ME CHOCOLATE NOW OR DIE kinda girl.

I know that there’s science backing up the fact that chocolate is beneficial to our health and mental well being, but I’m not in the mood to look it up and quote it.  Frankly, I doubt you mind.  I’m fairly confident that you’ve at least skimmed one of those articles and therefore know that I’m not full of shit and would rather I not quote to you some science, that neither of us fully understand, yet are happy to take it at its word as we munch on some sweet cocoa while thinking I know you’d never do me wrong my sweet and silky friend.

Murder worthy chocolate decadence cake

Murder worthy chocolate decadence cake

So, lets consider a possible scenario…Imagine it: You’ve been on the move for several days, looking for a safe place.  You’ve been chased, had to fight and kill, lost some friends in the process, and now are about to start your period.  You have cramps, both menstrual and muscle.  You’re back hurts, your head aches, and your pants are feeling tight because you’re bloated.  You’re moody and weepy and you’re not sure if it’s the hormones or the zombies killing your friends.  You have two Tylenol left and you’re really hoping that this months flow is light because your tampon stock is running low.  Life is pretty fucking shitty.  You begin to dig through your pack, praying for an extra Tylenol or tampon when your fingers light upon a lone square piece of heaven.  No… it couldn’t be!  But it is!  CHOCOLATE!  Sent to you by the gods of whatever goodness is left in the world, you have found in the bottom of your pack a Dove Miniature!

Or, lets say you have some little ones with you.  They’re cold, tired, irritable, and about to go into a full tilt freak out complete with screaming and crying, a sure fire zombie attractant for any undead walking corpse within a two mile radius.  The lower lip is trembling and the eyes are growing weepier by the second.  You plunge your hands into one of the many bags you’re carrying (because even when the worlds has chocolate skullsgone to shit you still have to nut up and carry five times your own weight in supplies for your kids) hoping to come across some sort of small trinket that will stop the countdown to launch on the atomic bomb your child is about to unleash.  Your fingers scrabble across item after item until you feel it.  A Hershey’s Krackel Miniature.  Quickly, you pull it out with the quickness of a ninja, unwrapping the candy in one fluid movement, and displaying it front of the babes eyes as if it were the One Ring to Rule them All.  Crisis averted, all thanks to chocolate.

It’s also super delicious.  Beyond that, I don’t know how many other reasons you need before you stuff some random chocolate bits into your Oh Sh!t Bag.  Who cares if it might melt, warm melty chocolate is extra yummy!  Though you might want to wrap it in a zip lock so it doesn’t get all over everything, because while chocolate covered peanuts are awesome, chocolate covered bandages and bullets are not.  We do have to draw the line somewhere.

 

These recipes below were included because I came across them and they looked too yummy not to share with you!

Find the recipe here: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-pudding-50400000115355/

Super delicious chocolate pudding.
Find the recipe here: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-pudding-50400000115355/

mary-poppinsAh, the purse!  Who among us hasn’t referenced Mary Poppins magical carpet bag that held everything from a tape-measure to a coat rack, while digging through their own much less whimsical version in search of something as mundane as car keys?  Or perhaps the younger among us may compare their shoulder bags to Hermione’s Undetectable Extension Charmed purse that kept books, a tent, clothes, and an assortment of other items safe for the Hogwarts crew.  While these movies may be based in fantasy, us ladies know that these particular bits have a note of truth to them.

Long before we ever started prepping for zombies we were already carrying around mini survival bags on our shoulders.  Whether we ever realized it or not, many of us carry well packed Oh Sh!t Bags (Bug Out Bags) around with us wherever we go.  In this department, we have quite a big advantage over the men, who often times only have a wallet on them.

He can hold my purse any day.

He can hold my purse any day.

Some of the men out there will be quick to add that they have, at all times, a much better survival bag hidden in their car that could keep them alive and well for months on end.  So I would like to point out that those bags are in the car and not carried with them wherever they go.  What if, in the midst of a disaster your car is stolen?  Or if you’re in a building that’s put on lock down?  Or out with a friend who was the one to drive?  While our purses may not be the most perfect of all Oh Sh!t Bags, they’ll do quite well in a pinch.  So, if you’re a man and the lady you’re with asks you to hold her purse for a moment, don’t roll your eyes or feel emasculated, instead hold tight to that bag, for it may just save your life one day.  If you doubt me, ask a lady in your life to dump out her purse.  Now prepare to be amazed!

Ladies, think about the contents of your purse for a moment.  I bet that you have at least 1 bandaid, a few OTC painkillers, some sort of blade (pocket knife, small scissors, nail clippers-yes they count, etc), tampons or maxi-pads, a pen, paper scraps (like receipts or a small pad for fire tinder and message not-an-organized-purse-by-eyesogreenleaving/sending), a random food item(s), wallet with credit cards, cell phone, car & house keys, gloves if it’s winter, some form of makeup, and hand sanitizer, all of which can be helpful and necessary in the event of an emergency.  Now, those are just the items I’d bet money that you have in your purse right now, but I’d also bet money that you have a few other useful items that you could use if the shit hit the fan.

For those of you who are moms, you probably can put the rest of us to shame with the amount of supplies you carry at all times!  If this isn’t basic apocalypse preparedness, then I don’t know what is.  Just make sure you also have a good pocket knife, lighter, multipurpose tool, anti-histamine, upgrade your first aid items (if applicable), and a bit of cash in case the grid goes down.  Even after you’ve added these extra few small items you’ll probably still have room left to carry around extra supplies you’ll procure during an emergency.

Oh-No-Not-The-Mom-Purse-James-Piatt-Persuader-Machine-Gun-Handbag

Lastly, we have the purse itself, nicely weighed down with all of our daily and emergency gear.  When buying your next one try and choose a purse with zippered pockets, this way, if push comes to shove, it can quickly become the swinging bag of death you always fantasized it would be without spilling its contents.

 

 

Apocalypse Party

Definition 1: A group of people that have agreed to plan and prepare for the apocalypse together and that will join forces to try and survive when TSHTF.

Definition 2: A gathering of candidates for the before mentioned definition to discuss planning and survival.  Gathering should include food, spirits, music, and maps.

Two key ingredients to surviving the zombie apocalypse are: preparedness and numbers.  That said, the more people you have in your group/party that are prepared for the ZPoc, the more likely you are to survive.

Well, what better way to get things started than to host an Apocalypse Party?

Step 1: Write out a list of who you are going to invite.

Remember, these are the people you want to survive the end of the world with and the people you trust to help prepare for it.

I would start small.  For your first party, invite your closest friends and family.  Once your core group is solidified you can discuss bringing more people in.

Step 2: Write out a list of prepping duties.

ie: weapon caches, ammo, medical supplies, dry goods, food preservation, navigation specialists, transportation, etc.

Step 3: Get a preliminary plan together.  The group can solidify things later but having a general idea of things puts you in the leader position and will make it easier on everyone else.

Have an idea of meeting spots.  Pick at least 3 for when the shit first hits the fan.

Figure out who should do what.  Think of individuals strong points; if someones skills are a bit ambiguous, put them in charge of stockpiling dry goods and/or supplies. People like having their skills acknowledged so when you put someone in charge of something you’ll help build a cohesive and confident group.

Step 4: Make it fun

The reason so many of us like to fantasize about the apocalypse is because it’s a break from the every day BS we’re all sick and tired of.  If you try and make your party all doom and gloom, no ones going to want to be part of your Apocalypse Party.  Yes, it’s serious business but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it.

Brew some zombie punch: http://www.thatsthespirit.com/en/drinks/recipe.asp?recipe_id=1458

Make some brain cupcakes: http://partywithak.blogspot.com/2011/10/recipe-of-day-brain-cupcakes.html

Send out some killer apocalypse style e-vites (make them yourself, save your $ for supplies): http://www.zazzle.com/grunge_radioactive_symbol_personalized_invite-161967188794444490

Step 5: Keep a Record

Have a notebook handy during your party and write all your ideas down.  That zombie punch packs a wallop and you don’t want to forget anything!

Have maps handy and highlight any routes you and your group decide on.

Start an online group for your Apocalypse Party.  You can start a private Facebook group where everyone can discuss your plans in private or use Google + and Google Docs to keep track of your lists and stock piling.

If your Apocalypse Party is a success you’ll be well on your way to establishing your own Apocalypse Party (see the double entendre at work there?) and if TSHTF you and yours will be ready!

 

Stay safe sisters and brothers.

A follower of A Girls Guide, Jessica Eck Jennings, brought up a good topic today.  White it may be a bit icky (especially for the guys) we should think about what we’re going to do post ZPoc during our periods.

Think about it; it’s that wonderful time of the month, and for whatever reason, you’re outta tampons/pads/etc.

What do you do?

Back in the day, women used pieces of fabric to absorb the blood.  Often times these pieces were old rags which is where the term “On the rag” derives it’s origin.  Anyways, women would wear a bit in their undergarments, and when it was at capacity, they would swap it out for a fresh one, and clean that one.  Gross by our standards today, but just another part of being a women during “the good ol days”.  A lot of women in this world still do this.  Think about that for a second.

If you’re looking for a product to stash in your Oh Sh!t/Bug Out Bag I would opt for The Cup, even though I find the idea repugnant. If you’re not familiar with The Cup, it’s a reusable plastic cup thingy that you wear inside you that collect the blood.  When it’s full, you pull it out, rinse, and reuse.  Many brands state that their product will last for up to 10 years, in usage, making it a great feminine preppers item.

Kinda looks like a little plunger, doesn’t it?

Believe it or not, but with the movement towards Environmentally Friendly everything nowadays there are ladies who are opting for reusable cloth menstrual pads.  I myself am not one of these women and do not plan on becoming one unless forced to.  That said, here’s a couple links in case you’re interested: http://lunapads.com/and http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/sanitarypads.htm.

Now, while I’m not ready or willing to make the switch to reusable, homemade pads right now, it does make me think that maybe I should I buy one of these products and put them in my Oh Sh!t bag just in case.

But what if using cloth isn’t an option?  My brain instantly goes to plant matter of some sort.  While I’ve been researching this, I’ve come across a few vague mentions of tribal women using plant matter but haven’t found a specific type of plant used (except wood pulp, but ouch!).

Some plant/natural matter I would try, if I were in such a situation would be:

  • Moss – It’s super absorbent and found in many different climates.  My main concern with this would be infection.  I would try sterilizing it somehow first, perhaps by boiling it.
  • Sea Sponge – There are manufacturers who make “natural menstrual pads” out of these critters right now so we know it’s a viable option but only if you’re lucky enough to live near an area where these exist.
  • Wool – If you come across some sheep…
  • Cotton – If you happen upon a cotton field…

Now, if we’re outta tampons I’m going to take a wild guess and say that medical attention is probably hard to come by, so I would refrain from trying to DIY yourself some tampons.  TSS or Toxic Shock Syndrome is not something you want to deal with at any time, but especially not with zombies trying to sniff you out.

 

Here are some links for you to check out if you’re interested:

http://www.keeper.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup

http://www.alter-eco.info/tampon-alternatives.html

http://www.themakeyourownzone.com/2010/10/are-women-really-making-their-own.html

 

Our Fingernails

Breaking a nail is a bitch that we’ve all met before.

After spending weeks growing them and hours filing, buffing, and painting them, a freak accident with a car door handle occurs and you’re left with a mangled stub.  You cry out in disappointment and examine the ragged wreck, trying to comprehend what went wrong and if it is fixable, but alas, it is a lost cause.  If there’s someone with you, the inevitable whine “I broke a nail” slips from your pouting lips.

It’s a stereotype of women, us getting upset over a broken nail, and a stereotype that I’ll totally own up to.

Breaking a nail is a total pain in the ass NOT just because of aesthetics.  When one fingernail goes they all have to and our fingernails are tools we use for a host of everyday activities that suddenly become a lot more difficult without them.  They are extensions of our fingers.  Most men don’t get it because they keep their fingernails short and therefore aren’t used to using them.  When I cut my fingernails down I feel crippled and vulnerable.

Believe it or not I use them for more than tapping and scratching itches.  I can cut through box take with my natural nails, use them as a makeshift flat-head screwdriver, pick up tiny little things easier, stab through packaging seals, remove splinters, scrape things clean, use them as a toothpick, untie tight complicated knots, use them as pliers, the list keeps going.

I can also, when forced to, use them as a weapon of self-defense.  When my nails are long, you do not want me grabbing onto any fleshy bits.  I’ve inadvertently stabbed myself and inflicted wounds so I have no qualms about digging my mini daggers into an attackers soft spots.

No, I don’t advocate trying to kill a zombie with your fingernails, but you can fend off a human attacker if you’ve been disarmed of all other weapons.

Go for the eyes, groin, face, neck, and other delicate sensitive areas.  If your fingernails are your last resort, go for it.  Now is not the time to worry about breaking a nail.

Pre-Zpoc work on strengthening your natural nails with vitamins and polish treatments.  One of my personal favorites is the Sally Hansen brand nail strengtheners.

And the next time one breaks in the presence of a man don’t cry about breaking a nail, curse like a sailor that you “broke my post apocalypse finger extension tool”.

 

Ah, the age old mystery.  Why do ladies go to the bathroom together.

We do it for a few reasons, but the main ones are: to talk about about those who didn’t come with us, to ask each other questions that we don’t want anyone to overhear, and to keep an eye on each other.

See, like it or not, women have been keeping an eye out for ‘predators’ for a very very long time.  This will undoubtedly give us a bit of an advantage when the zombies start hunting us down.  We’re used to watching each others backs and we can spot a potential threat from miles away.  You know that creepy guy who is going to hit on every girl that accidentally makes eye contact with him?  Most of us spot him as soon as we walk into a bar/club/party/whatever and we avoid him like the zombie plague.  When our girlfriend mentions that she has to pee, we go along for the trip so that 1. She doesn’t get cornered by the creep and 2. We don’t have to go alone and get cornered by the creep in another 20 minutes.

Us girls, we watch each others backs.  We have to.  I hate admitting this but yes, most women are not as physically strong as many guys are.  So we’ve adapted our behavior to stay in groups of two or more women when out in unfamiliar territory where ‘predators’ may lurk.  This is why it’s also a good idea to strength train during pre-poc times.

It’s an uncomfortable subject but while we’re admitting things, lets also admit that we’re physically vulnerable while going to the bathroom.  We have to partially disrobe, rendering our legs unstable for a quick get away. Guys definitely have one up on us when it comes to peeing.  If they’re ambushed while taking a leak they can easily jump into a sprint and worry about tucking themselves in as they go.

Bathrooms themselves are a fairly dangerous environment.  Any public room with only 1 point of entry/exit makes me nervous.  If you become trapped in a bathroom, with the exit blocked, you have no choice but to fight your way through whatever blocks your way.  A lot of bathrooms don’t have windows either, which leaves you blind to any dangers that could be waiting outside the door.

This is why bathroom breaks are safer with friends.  With two (or more) of you, one can be the lookout while the other relieves themselves.  Don’t leave yourself blind and vulnerable under any circumstance.  Gross bodily function or not, you have to remember that everyone poops except for the dead.

So the next time you see a couple of girls go into a bathroom together, just assume that they are keeping an eye out for zombies and commend them for doing so.

That’s right ladies, one perk to the zombie apocalypse: NO MORE DIETS!!

No more diets, worrying about eating healthy, counting calories, or feeling guilty about splurging on a little sumthin sumthin late at night.  Another perk?  We’ll probably be able to drop those pesky few (or more) pounds with a quickness once we’re spending most of our time running from the blood thirsty hordes.

Now of course that doesn’t mean to splurge all you want now; no, we do have to be careful.  We need to make sure that we CAN outrun the zombies once they start chasing us.  This means exercising now.

Sorry, I hate it too.  But it’s just part of the deal.  Cardio, resistance, and endurance training.  The holy trinity of Pre-Zpoc fitness.

But lets get back to the fun stuff. 

Once again…YAY, NO MORE DIETS!!!!!!!!!!

Lets just bask in the beauty of that statement for a moment…

 

Ok, now that we’re all feeling a little bit better about zombies overrunning the earth, lets agree on one thing: While calorie count won’t matter anymore, body count will.  If you find a stray snickers bar don’t think twice, just eat the damn thing!  And when several zombies wander into your camp DON’T THINK TWICE, just shoot the bastards!

You have to be prepared to kill any threat to your and your fellow survivors safety.  Take pride in your body count.  Strive to have one of the highest in your group.  Come up with new and improved ways to dispatch the enemy.  Become a huntress (or hunter for you dudes); a warrior queen who salivates for the kill.

Not only will you feel more confident in yourself, it’s common knowledge that the warriors and hunters of any tribe are the best fed of the bunch.