Our Weird World

Posted: October 23, 2013 in Bizarre
Tags: , , , ,

millipedeI HATE creepy crawlies and am officially terrified to visit Australia!  Now, I know that it’s home to some of the most venomous snakes on the planet but slithery doesn’t phase me.  It’s the skittering, 6+ legged, winged, super fast crawling, darting into crevices BUGS that will send me screaming!  I’d rather stomp a zombies brains in than have to face off against a centipede on my wall.  I know it’s irrational, I accept that, but that’s not going to stop me from asking you to kill a bug for me.

And here’s a story to make the other phobia-minded of you squirm:  A report released this past September, concerning a train crash in Western Australia, sites a Millipede infestation as a possible cause!!

Now it’s not as bad as you’d think.  When I first read the title of the article I immediately imagined a Snakes on a Plane situation: An exotic insect smuggler sneaks some hybrid killer millipedes on board via anal balloons.  The balloons break and the millipedes kill the smuggler and then escape into the train where they wreak havoc and multiply exponentially without explanation.  People freak out.  The conductor is trampled to death trying to calm his passengers down.  Samuel L Jackson tells everyone to

Badass Mutha

Badass Mutha

“CALM THE FUCK DOWN” but they don’t listen.  Some dick turd tries to stop the train by crossing some wires but he actually speeds it up until it derails and kills everyone but a lone child on board.  Of course, the millipedes have laid eggs in the kids brain and she will eventually turn into an insect-human hybrid and destroy the planet but that’s for the sequel.

But this story isn’t quite as cool.  It’s still quite horrifying (to me anyways) but in a much more toned down sort of way and not nearly as much fun, mainly because Samuel L Jackson isn’t involved.

Here’s the gist: A train traveling on its tracks crushed “hundreds of black Portuguese millipedes” causing the tracks to become “slimy” and slippery so that when another train tried stopping, it couldn’t, and ended up rear-ending the train in front of it.  Some people suffered minor injuries like stiff necks – if you can call that an injury at all.

Now, the millipede theory is just that, a theory, but it’s one that officials at Western Australia’s Public Transport Authority is “going to take into account“.  Which means we (well, Australians) live in a world where MILLIPEDE GUTS CAN (almost) DERAIL A TRAIL!!!!

I’m pretty sure I’ve just been catapulted into an alternate SciFi reality and I’m not digging it.  Next thing they’ll be telling me that spiders are causing faulty air bag deployments…

Oh shit…………. NOOOOOO!!!!






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