Archive for April, 2012

Ah, the age old mystery.  Why do ladies go to the bathroom together.

We do it for a few reasons, but the main ones are: to talk about about those who didn’t come with us, to ask each other questions that we don’t want anyone to overhear, and to keep an eye on each other.

See, like it or not, women have been keeping an eye out for ‘predators’ for a very very long time.  This will undoubtedly give us a bit of an advantage when the zombies start hunting us down.  We’re used to watching each others backs and we can spot a potential threat from miles away.  You know that creepy guy who is going to hit on every girl that accidentally makes eye contact with him?  Most of us spot him as soon as we walk into a bar/club/party/whatever and we avoid him like the zombie plague.  When our girlfriend mentions that she has to pee, we go along for the trip so that 1. She doesn’t get cornered by the creep and 2. We don’t have to go alone and get cornered by the creep in another 20 minutes.

Us girls, we watch each others backs.  We have to.  I hate admitting this but yes, most women are not as physically strong as many guys are.  So we’ve adapted our behavior to stay in groups of two or more women when out in unfamiliar territory where ‘predators’ may lurk.  This is why it’s also a good idea to strength train during pre-poc times.

It’s an uncomfortable subject but while we’re admitting things, lets also admit that we’re physically vulnerable while going to the bathroom.  We have to partially disrobe, rendering our legs unstable for a quick get away. Guys definitely have one up on us when it comes to peeing.  If they’re ambushed while taking a leak they can easily jump into a sprint and worry about tucking themselves in as they go.

Bathrooms themselves are a fairly dangerous environment.  Any public room with only 1 point of entry/exit makes me nervous.  If you become trapped in a bathroom, with the exit blocked, you have no choice but to fight your way through whatever blocks your way.  A lot of bathrooms don’t have windows either, which leaves you blind to any dangers that could be waiting outside the door.

This is why bathroom breaks are safer with friends.  With two (or more) of you, one can be the lookout while the other relieves themselves.  Don’t leave yourself blind and vulnerable under any circumstance.  Gross bodily function or not, you have to remember that everyone poops except for the dead.

So the next time you see a couple of girls go into a bathroom together, just assume that they are keeping an eye out for zombies and commend them for doing so.

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That’s right ladies, one perk to the zombie apocalypse: NO MORE DIETS!!

No more diets, worrying about eating healthy, counting calories, or feeling guilty about splurging on a little sumthin sumthin late at night.  Another perk?  We’ll probably be able to drop those pesky few (or more) pounds with a quickness once we’re spending most of our time running from the blood thirsty hordes.

Now of course that doesn’t mean to splurge all you want now; no, we do have to be careful.  We need to make sure that we CAN outrun the zombies once they start chasing us.  This means exercising now.

Sorry, I hate it too.  But it’s just part of the deal.  Cardio, resistance, and endurance training.  The holy trinity of Pre-Zpoc fitness.

But lets get back to the fun stuff. 

Once again…YAY, NO MORE DIETS!!!!!!!!!!

Lets just bask in the beauty of that statement for a moment…

 

Ok, now that we’re all feeling a little bit better about zombies overrunning the earth, lets agree on one thing: While calorie count won’t matter anymore, body count will.  If you find a stray snickers bar don’t think twice, just eat the damn thing!  And when several zombies wander into your camp DON’T THINK TWICE, just shoot the bastards!

You have to be prepared to kill any threat to your and your fellow survivors safety.  Take pride in your body count.  Strive to have one of the highest in your group.  Come up with new and improved ways to dispatch the enemy.  Become a huntress (or hunter for you dudes); a warrior queen who salivates for the kill.

Not only will you feel more confident in yourself, it’s common knowledge that the warriors and hunters of any tribe are the best fed of the bunch.