Rule #10: Never Say “I’ll be right back”

Posted: February 12, 2012 in The Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Rule #10: Never EVER Say “I’ll be right back”

Unless, that is, you want to die an agonizing horrific death just out of sight from whoever you said that to.

Listen, if there’s a bunch of weirdness going on like news reports telling you to stay inside,  rumors going around of people viciously attacking other people, creepy music eerily playing in the background, and you hear a strange noise outside, just stay put.  Do not poke your head out the door and start playing around with the thought of investigating the noise.  And when the person or people you’re with urge you to stay inside, don’t shush them and say “It’s ok, I’ll be right back”, because guess what?  You won’t.  Uttering those words is like reciting an incantation that pretty much makes your death a certainty.

In fact, we should just remove this phrase from our lexicon all together.  Whether it’s zombies, psycho killers, catastrophic natural disasters, or super sad dramatic movies where someone has to die in the beginning in order for the star to find true love, this phrase will get you every time.

So, instead of saying “I’ll be right back” maybe it would be a better idea to go with “I hope to be back in a minute but if I’m not, it’s safe to assume I’ve been dismembered by ravenous corpses”.

  1. zomb1etron says:

    What if you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger?

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