Weapon of the Week: Baseball Bat

Posted: January 28, 2012 in Weapon of the Week
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Weapon of the Week: Baseball Bat

It pretty much goes without saying that if you live in America, you have a baseball bat somewhere in your house or garage and you’ve probably played some form of baseball at some time during your life.  Hell, I’m one of the least sporty people I know and even I’ve played softball.

We all know that to put a zombie down all it takes is a fatal blow to the head/brain.  This can be accomplished with a firearm, blade, or blunt force trauma.  Now, if you’re preparing for the zombie apocalypse you probably have a few guns, a machete, and some random blades stashed away in your home, but what about your car?  Unless you have a Concealed Weapons Permit it’s not a good idea to be driving around with a gun in your car and most Police Officers aren’t going to be too thrilled with finding a machete either.  You know what they can’t say too much about (unless it has blood on it)?  A baseball bat.

He's ready for zombies

As a melee weapon it doesn’t get any simpler than this.  A baseball bat is a club; probably the first weapon us homo sapiens ever used.  It’s meant to hit something and cause damage.  It’s the simplest weapon anyone can use; you simply hold it and swing.  Three year olds play T-ball with them, so even your kids can use them as defense against the undead.  You just need decent upped body strength to deliver a kill shot, so get them muscles workin ladies!

They’re lightweight, weighing in at around 1kg or 2.2 lbs.  You can carry them in your backpack, though they’ll stick out a bit, or modify a scabbard for them.  They’re also cheap as hell.  If you don’t already own one you can find a decent bat, like a Louisville Slugger, for around $30 on ebay.

Not only are they used in the all American sport of baseball but they’re also one of the most common tools/weapons of assholes commiting crimes of assault and property damage.  How do we know they’ll be good for bashing a zombies brain in?  Well, just Google “Baseball Bat Crime Statistics” and read the article headlines and I think you’ll get your answer (WARNING: It’s pretty ugly stuff).  I know I did.

Some people like to modify them into maces by piercing them with nails or wrapping them in barb wire but my instincts say that this will greatly affect the composition of the bat and make it more likely to splinter after a hit.  I’m not keen on having it stick into a zombies skull either and having to pry it out.  I’d rather just bounce it off the dead bastards head and be able to swing it again as many times as need be.

So how does it rate?

  • Ease of Use = 10
  • Size & Weight = 9
  • Durability = 7
  • Availability = 10
  • Cost  = 10

Overall Score = 9

Bonus: If Vampires are afoot you can fashion it into a stake

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