Rule #4: Learn How to Ride a Motorcycle.

Posted: December 31, 2011 in The Rules
Tags: , , , ,

Rule #4: Learn How to Ride a Motorcycle.  It can’t be much harder than the old 10-speed right?      Right?

Just think how awesome you'd feel driving this beast down the road with a shotgun strapped to your back.

There are two reasons why I think it’s important for everyone to learn how to ride a motorcycle.

ONE: When the zombie apocalypse begins the roadways are going to get jammed up quicker than it will take you to say “Holy crap, there’s zombies outside”.  At this point if you need to get out of the city you’re either going to die trying, nearly die trying, or you’ll get on your motorcycle and make your way to safety.  Yep, I foresee it being as simple and matter of fact as that ; )

I’ll let you in on an awesome plan of mine.  If I’m ever cool enough, I’m going to rent a storage unit out in the country but not too far away.  In said storage unit will be some sort of diesel fueled tank of a car, preferably a black Ford Bronco or a 1966 black Chevy Impala, because if I’m goin out, I’m gonna go out like a bad ass (and those are two of my fantasy vehicles).  Also in said storage until will be all sorts of survival awesomeness.  BUT in my home garage will be a couple of motorcycles to get me and my man to that beautiful Valhalla of storage units.

Why not just take a bicycle?  What are you, a f#ck!ng simpleton?  Not even Lance Armstrong and his wonder nut could make it out Dodge during a Zpoc on his trusty Schwin!  Geesh..

Motorcycles don’t get tired like your legs would peddling for your life from the flesh hungry zombies.  They have, on average, better fuel economy than any car, truck, or SUV, so you can go far and get there quickly.  The downfalls of motorcycles are: lack of protection,storage space, and number of passengers you can bring along.  This is why I only recommend using them to get out of the city.  Chances are, if you’re lucky enough to make it out of the city to your rural safety place you can always find an abandoned bike or other vehicle to claim as your own later on.

TWO: Everyone looks cooler on a motorcycle.

Stay safe & Happy Year everyone.

  1. Zpoc: fuck passengers, look after numero uno and get the hell out of the city. they can find their own transportation (unless it’s a hot girl, then she’s allowed to cling on my back as we ride off)

  2. I just watched the first season of Walking Dead on Netflix. There is totally a guy who rides a chopper on that show..

    • Ah yes, that would be the character Daryl. We here at A Girls Guide like Daryl very much BUT we don’t think a Chopper would be the most appropriate motorcycle to choose for a zombie apocalypse. Our main concern lies in the maneuverability of a chopper. The exaggerated front end (rake), longer fork, and absence (usually) of a rear suspension system makes a chopper look super freakin cool but a lot harder to handle then a regular bike. But man, would we look awesome riding one!

  3. Waif says:

    Leather is harder to bite through and the Helmet doubles as a Handy Weapon

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