Archive for December, 2011

Rule #4: Learn How to Ride a Motorcycle.  It can’t be much harder than the old 10-speed right?      Right?

Just think how awesome you'd feel driving this beast down the road with a shotgun strapped to your back.

There are two reasons why I think it’s important for everyone to learn how to ride a motorcycle.

ONE: When the zombie apocalypse begins the roadways are going to get jammed up quicker than it will take you to say “Holy crap, there’s zombies outside”.  At this point if you need to get out of the city you’re either going to die trying, nearly die trying, or you’ll get on your motorcycle and make your way to safety.  Yep, I foresee it being as simple and matter of fact as that ; )

I’ll let you in on an awesome plan of mine.  If I’m ever cool enough, I’m going to rent a storage unit out in the country but not too far away.  In said storage unit will be some sort of diesel fueled tank of a car, preferably a black Ford Bronco or a 1966 black Chevy Impala, because if I’m goin out, I’m gonna go out like a bad ass (and those are two of my fantasy vehicles).  Also in said storage until will be all sorts of survival awesomeness.  BUT in my home garage will be a couple of motorcycles to get me and my man to that beautiful Valhalla of storage units.

Why not just take a bicycle?  What are you, a f#ck!ng simpleton?  Not even Lance Armstrong and his wonder nut could make it out Dodge during a Zpoc on his trusty Schwin!  Geesh..

Motorcycles don’t get tired like your legs would peddling for your life from the flesh hungry zombies.  They have, on average, better fuel economy than any car, truck, or SUV, so you can go far and get there quickly.  The downfalls of motorcycles are: lack of protection,storage space, and number of passengers you can bring along.  This is why I only recommend using them to get out of the city.  Chances are, if you’re lucky enough to make it out of the city to your rural safety place you can always find an abandoned bike or other vehicle to claim as your own later on.

TWO: Everyone looks cooler on a motorcycle.

Stay safe & Happy Year everyone.


Our very first Weapon of the Week: Ruger Mini 14

Ladies (and gentlemen) if you’re looking for a compact, nasty little bitch of a firearm to start off or round out your zombie apocalypse weapon stockpile this is it.

Weighing in at around 7lbs, she’s lightweight, versatile, and completely customizable.  Not only will she not weigh you down, you can make this little rifle into a gun especially suited for you.  Touted by Ruger as “self cleaning” the gun needs little maintenance and was dubbed The Jamless Wonder by Hollywood when, take after take, the gun refused to jam even after it was dragged through dirt, sand, and mud.

The Mini 14 (Tactical) has a standard 20 round capacity magazine but you can buy mags that hold up to 50 rounds for when you bump into the unexpected horde.  This little lady takes .223 / 5.56mm (NATO) ammo both of which can easily be found at your local Superstore such as Walmart or Meijer so there will be no digging around in specialty stores searching for the right type of round.  While .223mm is slightly less powerful than the 5.56 it can still get the job done when it comes to putting down the dead.

There are many variants of this rifle and you should do your own research before buying a model, but we’d invest our money on the Mini 14 Tactical rifle with collapsible/folding stock.  If you do choose to purchase one these bad little bitches make sure she’s a recent model (2003 or later) as older models had accuracy issues do to mass production.

Cost:  While prices continue to fluctuate you can find a Mini 14 for as cheap as $4o0 but expect to pay more in the area of $700 if you want a pimped out model.

So how does it rate?

  • Ease of use = 7
  • Cumbersome Rating = 7
  • Reliability = 8
  • Ammo Availability = 10
  • Fire Power = 9
  • Round Capacity  = 9
  • Cost (for pre-apocalypse procurement) = 6


Overall Score = 8



Whats more important than a good weapon stockpile when planning for the eventual Zombie Apocalypse?

But what do you REALLY know about weapons?  I personally know….a little but, I’m lucky enough to have someone in my life that knows A LOT.  For the sake of anonymity I’ll call him “D”.  Remember the scene in the season 2 premier of Walking Dead when Andrea couldn’t put the gun back together as she was being attacked by the walker in the RV bathroom?  During the commercial break (and to my extreme frustration) D taught me how disassemble and reassemble a similar handgun…so yep, that’s what I’m dealing with…but it’s good (I have to remind myself), because these are things I need to know how to do in the event that zombies are afoot and the only gun around is in pieces.

One of the first things I wanted to do with A Girls Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse was to discuss firearms.  As I’ve mentioned before, I consider myself a pretty average female so I have a feeling that many of you are on the same level as I am when it comes to guns.

So I present to you the Weapon of the Week.  D and I will be picking one weapon per week and giving it a short summary on it’s pros and cons of use during a Zpoc and rating it, using a 10 point scale of 1 being totally worthless and 10 being absolutely awesome, on:

  • Ease of use
  • Cumbersome Rating
  • Reliability
  • Ammo Availability
  • Fire Power
  • Round Capacity
  • Cost (for pre-apocalypse procurement)

This should be fun!  Hopefully informative too, of course.

Always remember, do your own research before purchasing a firearm, if you’re buying something used make sure the seller is credible, and always practice caution and safety when handling any firearm.




Rule # 3 Ditch the Heels

Posted: December 23, 2011 in The Rules

NOT the shoes to wear when running from zombies

C’mon, they may make our legs look awesome but what’s worse: fat calves or no calves at all because a freakin zombie chewed them off?

So Girl Rule # 3 has to be: Ditch the heels in the event of a zombie apocalypse

We’ve all seen her: the super badass, leather clad, high heel wearing über babe who can kick a guy three times her size ass without blinking but….SHE DOESN’T EXIST!  You do though.  And while the shoes to the left look super fun, you’ll only break your ankle and be the first of many to die a horrible death.

You know what shoes look super cool and won’t get you killed?  Combat Boots.  The bitch (hehe) of it is, it’s hard to find REAL womens combat boots.  Go ahead and search “womens combat boot” and see what comes up.  A bunch of BS like the high heeled sneakers to the left and you’ll have to spend some time riffling through the BS to find an actual pair of durable high quality boots.  Another option is to figure out your size in mens and buy a pair that feel good.  Be careful though, as mens shoes are made for mens feet as womens are for womens.

Why boots and not running shoes?  Boots are built to last, offer more ankle support than running shoes, and are  weatherproof.  Look at what the military uses; THAT’S the kind of boot you need to invest in.  Pop some comfy inserts in, spend a few extra bucks on some pink laces, and you’ll have yourself the most versatile pair of foot coverings ever that you’ll be able to run, walk, climb, and kick some serious ass in!

Do yourself a favor and when you can afford it get two pairs of boots and break those bad boys in.  Don’t buy them and forget about them because guess what? Blisters suck! So where them often and get them nice and worn in.  The last thing you’ll want to be dealing with (other than the ravenous zombies of course) are nasty, painful, prone to infection blisters.

Why 2?  One for your car and one for home.  If you can only afford one pair, keep them in your car.  When fantasizing about the zombie apocalypse we often picture ourselves hanging out at home, listening to the horrific news reports of the first zombie attacks roll in while we clean and load our rifles while shaking out heads and muttering “I knew it’d happen sooner or later” but think about it…where do you spend most of your time?  If you answered “at home” then I hate you because I’m insanely jealous.


1. Buy Combat Boots

2. Break them in

3. Keep a pair in your car

4. Keep those gams intact

You’re welcome for the excuse to go ahead and buy another pair of shoes by the way.

Rule #2: Try Not to Cry

Posted: December 17, 2011 in The Rules

Or get hysterical and start screaming at every little thing.

Yes, there are walking corpses that want to eat you.

Yes, some of them are your family and friends.

No, you may not live through the next 24 hours.

But crying and freaking out is not going to change anything or increase your survival rate.  In fact, crying like a hysterical woman from a 1940’s movie will most likely get you or some of your team mates killed.  It will at the very least result in a good old fashioned face slap by yours truly.

So please, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, try and remain calm.  If you have to freak out, push it down deep and wait until you’re somewhere safe.  Then go find a quiet corner, put your head between your knees, and quietly sob all you want.

Rule #1: Be Prepared for the Worst

Posted: December 17, 2011 in The Rules

A rule that we have spent most of our lives adhering to is: “Expect the worst, hope for the best” and while you glass half-full types might see that as a rather bleak existence, we are rather fond of it.

Many non-zombie enthusiasts out there have been shouting THEY’RE NOT REAL! at us lately as if we’re all a bunch of kids living in fantasy land.  What they’ve failed to realize though is that while we’re preparing for the (inevitable) zombie apocalypse we’re also preparing for any and all disaster scenarios that might befall us.  SO TAKE THAT YOU BORING UNINSPIRED DULLARDS!

So, here are a few things that will help you prepare for the worst:

  • An Oh Shit Bag
    • A backpack (or something similar) filled with basic clothing, essentials, and tools for survival if you would need to leave your home.  It is best to have one ready at all times in your home and your car.  We will go over the desired contents of such a bag in a post to come
  • Learn how to protect yourself
    •  Learn how to throw a proper punch and then increase your knowledge of hand to hand combat (you might have to fight more than zombies)
    • Learn how to shoot!  It’s a lot harder than it looks.  Don’t limit yourself either.  Learn how to shoot a pistol, rifle, and shotgun.  Probably a good idea to learn how to shoot a bow too and if you need inspiration just think how hot you’ll look wielding a bow
  • Get in Shape (Ugh, my least favorite of all but nevertheless something that can not be ignored)
  • Stock up on Supplies
    • Have enough drinking water & food stored to last at least a week.
      • Think high protein foods with long shelf lives.  Contrary to what a lot of people think, canned good do not last forever, so check the expiration dates on your supplies and make sure you restock accordingly
    • Stock up on ammunition.  If the shit hits the fan, every other asshole out there is going to be lining up to get their hands on guns and ammo and supplies will run dry quickly.
      • HINT: Don’t advertise to everyone what and how much of it you have.
  • Have a Plan
    • Make sure that you and anyone you love and/or live with knows what to do or where to go if you can’t get back to the house.  Have three meeting places that you agree on and know how to get to easily
    • Map out multiple routes on how to get to your safe places in case roads are blocked or congested.

We’ll be discussing these items more individually as time goes on but I wanted to get them out there now so you can start thinking about what you need to do to prepare for the worst.

When A Girls Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse first popped into my brain and came into being, I wanted it to be supported by a set of rules that would help myself and others like me survive during a zombie outbreak.  Some of them I already knew, but others were (and are still) only inklings of ideas and shadows of theories.  The one thing I knew for sure was that, while it’s fun to fantasize about being an ass kicking Über babe, when it comes down to it, many of us are…well…normal everyday girls with normal everyday skill sets that are governed by our normal everyday lives.  So I talked to my sister and my other zombie loving girlfriends and we started to make a list of rules that could (in theory) help us survive should the dead rise from their graves with an insatiable hunger for human flesh.

I wrote and put in print #1 almost right off the bat which is: Be Prepared for the Worst (we’ll come back to this one in my next post).  Then I talked to my friend Maples (last name) and I asked her “What are some of the rules you would live by in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse and right off the bat she throws me one that made me slap my forehead in disgust that I hadn’t thought of it first.

So, The Rule to Rule all Rules (courtesy of Ms Maples) is:

Now, these rules are constantly evolving and we want your help!  If you have a rule you want us to include, post it in a comment here, on our companion Facebook page (, or email it to us at